Sunday, December 7, 2008

Untangling the Twisted Threads

It hardly seems fair that it is far easier and less painful to create a tangle than to untangle it. I should have learned this early-on when my mother was brushing my tangled curls before allowing me to appear in public with messy hair. When I became old enough brush my own hair, getting rid of the tangles became such a chore, I had most of it cut off. It feels as if it would be nice if we were so easily able to cut off or cut out the tangles and twisted threads we have woven throughout our minds and our relationships--including our relationship to our planetary home.

Or would it? I have to seriously question under what circumstancs I have learned the most important lessons of my life. What situations have forced me to change some of my negative thoughts and behaviors? There is no doubt that when I am willing to take a serious look at the mistakes (tangles) I have made, often due to faulty thinking (sometimes based on a faulty belief system) or due to a selfish motive that I have rationalized to be acceptable, I am forced to admit it is only then that I begin to take responsibility for untangling the twisted threads of the tapestry I am weaving. My wise father reminded me frequently not to berate myself for mistakes, but learn from them and be sure to make a new one each time. He also chastized me when I tried to blame my mistakes on others--or on groups of others. It is easy to blame our parents, our friends, our enemies and even the leaders of our country for the things that go wrong in our lives. However, bottom line, I've had to accept that I cannot change anyone else. influence some--maybe, but real change only takes place in our individual minds. Possibly the most remarkable trait we share as members of the human family is that we have the ability to change--to change our minds and our behavior when we are willing to acknowledge that the consequences of our actions are destructive. For this trait, I remain eternally grateful. Without it, Obama would not be our President-elect. Yet, he cannot change this country or influence the world without the support of individuals, who are willing to make sacrifices for positive change.

We have reached a point in our history that there is no denying that we each must commit to changing aspects of our thinking and our behavior if we are to survive as a species. It is total folly to believe that we can survive if we continue to increase population expansion, to squander resources or to have another world war, when many countries possess weapons that could (and will) kill most of us within minutes. Funny, how prone most of us are to remove ourselves from the destructive equation. We like to think destruction is caused by "the other--or others." They are the ones twisting the threads in the grand tapestry of our times. We are all in this together--every single adult alive on this planet has a responsibility to do our share to help create a sustainable planet. I have to carefully examine whom and why I hate because I know that hate hurts me more than them and hate (usually based on fears of differences ) is the underlying basis for war. The only way through this is to practice understanding and forgiving. I must even eventually forgive G. W. and his cronies for this atrocious and unnecessary war, based on greed. I cannot help but judge them harshly, however I have to force myself to realize that every ounce of hate I harbor towards others will come back to me in some form. Most of us try to do what we perceive to be right, but too often our idea of right is misguided or based on false premises. The reality is that war has become so destructive, no one wins. The outcome is more fear and hate, which leads to more war.

Each time I leave my re-useable grocery bags in the trunk of my car, I am shirking my duty as a consumer, each time I carelessly leave lights buring and appliances plugged in when they are not being used, I could be participating in depriving others of life-saving technology. Extreme?? Perhaps, but we are living in a critical time when we must take some extreme measures to untangle the twisted threads within our minds that show up in our relationships and spread farther than we can imagine. During these holidays, I hope we can each be thankful for an opportunity to change what we can about our perceptions and actions in order to help create a more peaceful and compassionate world, which can only happen when we are willing to become less self-involved and more compassionate individuals.

And if you have young daughters with curls, brush out the tangles gently. If you (as we each will) make a mistake today, learn what you can from it--then forgive yourself and make amends to others affected by it.

2 comments:

Kae and Jon said...

Paddy:

Nicely said. It's far too easy to look to our new president-elect and assume that he'll make it all better. That is a childish wish. It's up to all of us to do our part, whether it's simply turning down the heat, turning off our televisions, or turning out to help our neighbors!

Zool said...

In relation to hate and war you state, "the only way through this is to practice understanding and forgiving." I would like to add two more things: The first is compassion - if we made a committment to demonstrate compassion towards others, especially towards those who are different from ourselves, perhaps wars would cease. Secondly, it should behoove us all to learn at least one other language, because to truly understand and forgive means we need to be able to effectively communicate with others - particularly those that live beyond our own borders - out there "somewhere" in this awesome and vast world.