Friday, May 21, 2010

Stepping Stones: Getting from where we are to where we want to be.

Stepping stones: Getting from where we are to where we want to be.
Watching a friend select large heavy stones and fit them together like pieces of a giant puzzle as he constructs a path from my cottage down a steep slope to the lake is clarifying for me what is really required to accomplish our goals. He is reminding me of how critical a vision, commitment, patience and tenacity are to making things happen. For as long as I can remember, I’ve claimed that I wanted to write books---books that could help people feel good about life—specifically, books that could help me feel good about my life. However, for many years, my commitment to this goal was not strong and the isolation required to write a book was not a part of my agenda. I kept journals, struggled through a dissertation, and even wrote several articles that were published, but mostly I filled my life up with people-related activities.
I was getting old and had never even started what I’d said for over half a century was what I most wanted to accomplish. I had to face that I liked the idea of writing a book, but did not like what would be required to make it happen. I knew it would require isolation and essentially hollowing out large portions of time to sit behind a computer. I also knew that computer skills were not my forte. I was thinking myself into giving up a dream of ever becoming an author, which was playing havoc with my self-esteem. When, speaking of large stones, a few meteorites fell into my life, totally shattering my self-esteem and my marriage. All I could do was write out the pain—not by choice, but a necessity for my survival. My first published book, To Stand in Love, was the result. A year later, a well-known publisher saw some potential in that book, purchased publication rights and required me to re-work the manuscript. This demanded commitment and helped me develop some patience and tenacity. It also forced me to improve my writing and computer skills. Several months later, Are You Ready for Lasting Love? became a fairly successful book, and I began to think of myself as “a writer.”
During the next five years, my self-esteem improved, but I had stopped writing. The USA was fast becoming a failing empire. I was fast becoming a failing writer and fed-up with my country. I could feel depression nipping at my heels. I knew that I must start writing something of substance, rather than wasting time journaling about my anger over the war in Iraq and the stupidity of our government. To even think that war remains a way to solve problems between countries, who share a planet, already being destroyed by our lack of attention to population explosion, our sick need for power over others, our intolerance and fear of differences, and the nuclear weapons that could annihilate us and the planet in a few minutes is beyond sanity. I needed to build a reality-based vision of how sanity could at least be considered as an alternative to the impending destruction. Visions seem to eventuate as a combination of happenstance and circumstance—not always under our control, but they are powerful motivational triggers. When I could no longer tolerate my own anger, a vision of beginning a book that might have the power to change the way many think about war and present the alternative of creating more compassionate understanding among us as individuals, who compose countries, maybe (hopefully) could begin a shift in the consciousness of our planet. That thought was the beginning of Love and War: Human Nature in Crisis. I talked to friends and met a new friend on a cruise, who also wanted to write a book, but had not been triggered into the commitment required to take action. We combined our thoughts and efforts over the next four years to create Love and War. However, due to the economic crisis, my former publishing company had gone by the board, and we were struggling to find another willing to risk the investment of publishing our tome. After many rejections, discouragement set in, as it often does at some point before a goal is achieved.
This is when patience and tenacity have to take over or discouragement will usurp the goal. This is also when we have to refuse to give up and believe that miracles can happen. Call it happenstance, a miracle or the coming together of the stones that were selected and laid in place to complete the path—and the book. Whatever, I happened to be in a kayak on the lake at my cottage in Canada when I heard that Dr. Patch Adams, whom I had long admired for not giving up his dream of a revised health–care system, was to give a presentation that evening at Queens University in Kingston, Canada, about one hour from me. Out of the kayak, into the car, sweats thrown over wet bathing suit, driving as if my hair were on fire, parking illegally and acting deaf and dumb when a guard told me there was no more room in the auditorium, I squeezed into the stuffed room just in time to hear him ask, “How many of you believe that we are doomed before the end of this century unless we make some critical changes?”
Almost every hand went up. Then, he asked, “How many of you are actively committed to doing something to bring about the necessary changes?” Most of the hands came down. Several of us kept our hands up, and he said that he would like to talk to us after the presentation. When I saw the long lines of fans wanting his attention at the conclusion of his inspiring talk, I decided to come back to my cottage and write him a letter about our book. Not long afterwards, I received a personal call from him, giving me the name of one of his publishers, whom he thought might be interested. I wrote Bob Reed Publishers and another huge stone moved into place. The publication of Love and War: Human Nature in Crisis is set for 9/11/2010. The beautiful path from my cottage to the lake will be completed within the next few days.
Our dreams, visions and goals can become realities if we are willing to believe in them, commit to holding onto them and to taking the sometimes painful steps required to lift the heavy stones and place them carefully to construct the path that will get us from wherever we may be to where we would like to go. A special thanks to Dolf, Kae, Patch, Bob, Cleone and Brent—without whom the book or the path would not exist.