Stepping Stones: Getting from where we are to where we want to be.

Stepping stones: Getting from where we are to where we want to be.
Watching a friend select large heavy stones and fit them together like pieces of a giant puzzle as he constructs a path from my cottage down a steep slope to the lake is clarifying for me what is really required to accomplish our goals. He is reminding me of how critical a vision, commitment, patience and tenacity are to making things happen. For as long as I can remember, I’ve claimed that I wanted to write books---books that could help people feel good about life—specifically, books that could help me feel good about my life. However, for many years, my commitment to this goal was not strong and the isolation required to write a book was not a part of my agenda. I kept journals, struggled through a dissertation, and even wrote several articles that were published, but mostly I filled my life up with people-related activities.
I was getting old and had never even started what I’d said for over half a century was what I most wanted to accomplish. I had to face that I liked the idea of writing a book, but did not like what would be required to make it happen. I knew it would require isolation and essentially hollowing out large portions of time to sit behind a computer. I also knew that computer skills were not my forte. I was thinking myself into giving up a dream of ever becoming an author, which was playing havoc with my self-esteem. When, speaking of large stones, a few meteorites fell into my life, totally shattering my self-esteem and my marriage. All I could do was write out the pain—not by choice, but a necessity for my survival. My first published book, To Stand in Love, was the result. A year later, a well-known publisher saw some potential in that book, purchased publication rights and required me to re-work the manuscript. This demanded commitment and helped me develop some patience and tenacity. It also forced me to improve my writing and computer skills. Several months later, Are You Ready for Lasting Love? became a fairly successful book, and I began to think of myself as “a writer.”
During the next five years, my self-esteem improved, but I had stopped writing. The USA was fast becoming a failing empire. I was fast becoming a failing writer and fed-up with my country. I could feel depression nipping at my heels. I knew that I must start writing something of substance, rather than wasting time journaling about my anger over the war in Iraq and the stupidity of our government. To even think that war remains a way to solve problems between countries, who share a planet, already being destroyed by our lack of attention to population explosion, our sick need for power over others, our intolerance and fear of differences, and the nuclear weapons that could annihilate us and the planet in a few minutes is beyond sanity. I needed to build a reality-based vision of how sanity could at least be considered as an alternative to the impending destruction. Visions seem to eventuate as a combination of happenstance and circumstance—not always under our control, but they are powerful motivational triggers. When I could no longer tolerate my own anger, a vision of beginning a book that might have the power to change the way many think about war and present the alternative of creating more compassionate understanding among us as individuals, who compose countries, maybe (hopefully) could begin a shift in the consciousness of our planet. That thought was the beginning of Love and War: Human Nature in Crisis. I talked to friends and met a new friend on a cruise, who also wanted to write a book, but had not been triggered into the commitment required to take action. We combined our thoughts and efforts over the next four years to create Love and War. However, due to the economic crisis, my former publishing company had gone by the board, and we were struggling to find another willing to risk the investment of publishing our tome. After many rejections, discouragement set in, as it often does at some point before a goal is achieved.
This is when patience and tenacity have to take over or discouragement will usurp the goal. This is also when we have to refuse to give up and believe that miracles can happen. Call it happenstance, a miracle or the coming together of the stones that were selected and laid in place to complete the path—and the book. Whatever, I happened to be in a kayak on the lake at my cottage in Canada when I heard that Dr. Patch Adams, whom I had long admired for not giving up his dream of a revised health–care system, was to give a presentation that evening at Queens University in Kingston, Canada, about one hour from me. Out of the kayak, into the car, sweats thrown over wet bathing suit, driving as if my hair were on fire, parking illegally and acting deaf and dumb when a guard told me there was no more room in the auditorium, I squeezed into the stuffed room just in time to hear him ask, “How many of you believe that we are doomed before the end of this century unless we make some critical changes?”
Almost every hand went up. Then, he asked, “How many of you are actively committed to doing something to bring about the necessary changes?” Most of the hands came down. Several of us kept our hands up, and he said that he would like to talk to us after the presentation. When I saw the long lines of fans wanting his attention at the conclusion of his inspiring talk, I decided to come back to my cottage and write him a letter about our book. Not long afterwards, I received a personal call from him, giving me the name of one of his publishers, whom he thought might be interested. I wrote Bob Reed Publishers and another huge stone moved into place. The publication of Love and War: Human Nature in Crisis is set for 9/11/2010. The beautiful path from my cottage to the lake will be completed within the next few days.
Our dreams, visions and goals can become realities if we are willing to believe in them, commit to holding onto them and to taking the sometimes painful steps required to lift the heavy stones and place them carefully to construct the path that will get us from wherever we may be to where we would like to go. A special thanks to Dolf, Kae, Patch, Bob, Cleone and Brent—without whom the book or the path would not exist.

All best to you and yours for 2010

All best to you and yours for 2010

First, I want to thank those of you who sent cards during this holiday season. They were each appreciated and my not finding the time to respond is not a sign that you have been forgotten. It only means that I still have the tendency that has driven me most of my life—to bite off more than I can chew. Age and the feeling that time is fast running out seems to have increased the above negative tendency, so I find myself feeling guilty about not taking more time just to relate to precious friends and feeling equally guilty that I’m not working on the latest manuscript or exercising to assure myself that I can stay ahead of the inevitable creaks and leaks. Today, when Satellite radio started playing a Christmas Vespers, I was overcome with the poignant thought that I am facing the evening of my life, and above all else, I want you friends to know that you are cherished. I then began sorting through your cards promising myself I would answer them ---later, when one from a dear-junior high school friend fell open to the simple line: “I miss you.” I cried. (I miss you, too, Johnnie)
So, here I sit, wondering what is really worth sharing. The most important is probably that David is thriving and has maintained a drug-free life for over a year. If any of you have sons struggling through the nightmare of drug or alcohol addiction, get in touch and I can highly recommend a newly opened recovery –ranch in the hills of Kentucky. I came so close to giving up on him during the past several years and made many mistakes in trying to help him. What I have learned from him is that we parents cannot afford to give up our hope or love for them—even when our hearts are breaking.
As many of you know, my prime addiction has always been books. This summer, I read the most exquisitely written and psychologically brilliant one ever--Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. It gave me a deeper understanding of the pain and grief we humans can survive and overcome --if we hold onto whatever inside us can stay open and respond to the opportunities to live with compassion for others. It is so much easier to settle into anger and negativity, but that only reduces our chances for sharing love and we forego many moments of happiness.
My buying a small cottage on a lake in Canada has definitely added to my happiness over the past 4 years, since I am a “water-bug,” and thrive close to bodies of water. The time there has allowed me to meet new friends who share “the water world,” and I’m not nearly as isolated there as I am here in Horseheads. Tim’s still addicted to planes and gliders which occupies most of his time. I used to resent this, but his preference to be with “flying things” allows me more time to be with “water- people.” Annie, his mom, is still alive –though most of her brain has deserted her. She requires quite a bit of time and attention and has inspired me to join every organization available to help me bid life adieu when I feel the time has come.
I continue to spend as much time as possible in NC as I’ve never been a good Yankee. My “heart home” has remained NC (Greensboro and the mt. house in Linville) —with the lake in Canada becoming another place my heart frequently dwells happily. Daughter Karla also loves Canada and often shares time there. We’ve gotten to know some wonderful Hutchins relatives in the area and discovered that we are directly descended from the Vikings. (Fits for me!) Karen’s daughter, Nina, graduated from Yale Un. 2 years ago and is now in medical school in Ecuador. Her brother, Matthew, is now a freshman at Loyola Un. New Orleans, while brother Michael is a high school junior in Ecuador—striving to enter Harvard in 2 years. Stephen and Evelyn continue to do well in Atlanta with Wayne. Tim, myself, my four kids, Evelyn, Wayne, Matthew, Edwin, Beth and Bud all had T’giving together at mt. house this year-- a wonderful catch-up time. (Similar to the cousin reunion last year—which I’d love to do again this year. Let me know if you are interested—and if about same time in Sept. is OK)
I have a new right knee, which has been one of the best things that could have happened for my body! I am swimming and kayaking more and have stopped trying to keep up with Tim and his buddies mt. biking (basic reason for past accidents that destroyed poor old knee-and my face!) All in all, this has been a good year. Wishing each of you good health and special times of happiness through this new one—hoping we can share some of it—with love, Paddy (Sue)